Writing down what you see and what matters most

A dated observation log from home, your child's strengths, three priorities chosen from what you saw, and a parent concerns statement of three to five sentences in your own words.

1. Why your information belongs in the record Understand

The school sees your child for about six hours a day, in one kind of setting, with one set of demands. You see the rest: the mornings, the homework, the car ride home, the weekend, the long summer. You see what your child says about school when no one from school is listening. Some of what matters most about a child's learning shows up only there.

The regulations make room for that knowledge in three places. An evaluation must use a variety of tools, "including information provided by the parent" (34 CFR 300.304). The review of existing data before an evaluation or reevaluation includes information the parents provide (34 CFR 300.305). And when the team writes the IEP, it must consider the child's strengths and "the concerns of the parents for enhancing the education of their child" (34 CFR 300.324).

"Consider" is the regulation's word. The team must take your concerns into account; it does not have to adopt them. That makes how you present them matter. A concern stated as a specific, dated observation ("on September 8, a ten-line reading page took 22 minutes") gives the team something to work with. A concern stated as a feeling or a conclusion ("he's falling behind and nobody is helping") is real, but it is hard for a team to act on, and easy to set aside.

So this chapter turns what you know into three things the team can use: a short log of observations, a list of three priorities, and a concerns statement of three to five sentences. None of it needs special training. It needs dates, specifics and your own words.

It also helps you. When you read the IEP in Reading the IEP, you will read it already knowing what you are looking for. A priority that appears nowhere in the IEP becomes a question; a strength the school also sees becomes a point of agreement. Parents who arrive at a meeting with three written priorities tend to know which parts of a long conversation matter to them. Convention

2. Writing an observation

An observation is a dated, specific note of something you saw or heard. This manual's convention is to write it as behavior and words, not as a label or a cause Convention: what happened, where, what came just before and just after, and what helped. Someone who was not there should be able to picture it.

The right-hand column is not colder. It is more useful, because it shows what happened and lets the reader draw the conclusion. It also protects you: an observation is something you saw, so no one can argue you out of it, while a conclusion invites a debate about whether you are right.

The parts of a log entry

The observation log has a column for each part:

• Date. The day it happened, not the day you wrote it, if they differ.
• Setting. Morning routine, homework, pickup, evening, weekend, an outing.
• What happened. Actions and words, as specific as you can make them: how long, how many, what was said.
• Before and after. What came just before (a long day, a snack, a change in routine) and just after (stopped, cried, recovered, went outside). Patterns often show up here.
• What helped. Anything that changed things: reading aloud, a break, a timer, a quieter room. This column becomes ideas for accommodations in Goals, services and placement, offered as observations, not demands.
• Who saw it. You, another parent, a grandparent, a coach.
• Linked priority. Fill this after you choose priorities in section 4.

Where and how long to observe

This manual's default is a two-week log: long enough to see more than one bad day, short enough to finish before most meetings Convention. If your meeting is sooner, three observations from one week are enough for a first pass. If it is later, keep going; a log that runs across a month shows patterns a week cannot.

The settings that tell you most depend on age. Homework, routines, sleep and transitions (getting out the door, coming home, moving from play to a task) are good places for most school-age children. For a young child, play, meals and time with other children. For a teenager, how schoolwork across several classes gets organized, what happens after school, and what the student says about plans. Your green box names settings for the age you saved.

Work samples

Some of the best evidence is on paper: a homework page, a writing sample, a test that came home, a spelling list. Keep a few, write the date on the back (or on a sticky note, so the original stays clean), and note in the log what the sample shows and how long it took. Rules and Record's records checklist suggests annotating copies, not originals (Rules and Record: the records), and the same habit works for work samples.

What your child says

The child is a member of the IEP team "whenever appropriate" (34 CFR 300.321), and even when your child is not at the meeting, what they say about school belongs in your notes. Write it in their words, with the date. When it is appropriate, ask directly: what is hard at school, what helps, what they would want the teachers to know. The child's view sheet has room for it. For a younger child, a few words or a drawing is plenty; for a teenager, the child's view becomes central (Transitions and changes).

3. Strengths and patterns, without diagnosing

Strengths belong in the record

Parents who are worried tend to write only problems. The regulations ask the team to consider the child's strengths too, and strengths do work in a plan: a child who loves stories but struggles to decode can be reached through listening; a child who is a careful builder may show math understanding with blocks before paper. Write two lines of strengths with an example each, on the strengths sheet. Specific beats general: "retold the whole bedtime story in order" is more useful than "smart."

Finding patterns

Once you have a handful of entries, read them together and ask four questions:

A pattern is a description of your log, not an explanation of your child. "Reading is hardest after a long day" is a pattern. "He has dyslexia" is a diagnosis, and that belongs to evaluators and clinicians. You can share a diagnosis your child already has, as information. What the log adds is the thing they cannot see: what happens at home, how often, and what helps.

4. From observations to three priorities

A long list of concerns is hard for a team to act on in a meeting with a fixed amount of time. Three priorities are not. This manual's default is three Convention: enough to cover what matters most, few enough that each gets real attention. Other concerns do not disappear; they stay in your log and can be raised as questions.

How to choose

1. List every concern you see in the log. One line each.
2. Sort them by effect. For each, ask: how much does this affect learning, and how much does it affect daily life (friendships, family, sleep, how your child feels about themself)?
3. Look for roots. Some concerns sit under others. If homework takes an hour because reading is slow, reading may be the priority and homework the symptom.
4. Choose three. The ones with the most effect, after you have folded symptoms into their roots.
5. Write each in one line, then why it matters and what you hope for. The priorities sheet has a column for each.

In this fictional example, three priorities come out: reading at home, confidence about reading, and homework time that fits the evening. The math concern folds into reading, and the bedtime concern folds into homework.

A priority names what matters, not the fix

"Reading" is a priority. "One-on-one reading tutoring four times a week" is a proposed service. Write the priority and what you hope for this year ("Tomi can read a grade-level page aloud without stopping"). The team decides goals and services; your priority tells them what to aim at. If you have an idea that has helped at home, put it in "what helped" or "what I hope for" as an observation, so it reaches the team as information.

The last column on the priorities sheet asks which IEP section the priority belongs in: present levels, goals, services, accommodations, placement and so on. You may not know before Reading the IEP. Guess, and revise after you have read the IEP.

5. The parent concerns statement

The concerns statement is your priorities written for the team: three to five sentences, specific and dated, in your own words. Many IEP forms have a space for parent concerns. A statement written ahead and sent before the meeting has a better chance of being read and considered than one composed on the spot. Before the meeting covers sending it.

Tone

Wrightslaw's "Letter to the Stranger," written by Janie Bowman and Pete Wright, is one practitioner's method for school letters, and it fits a concerns statement too: picture a fair-minded stranger who does not know you, your child or your school, and who may one day read what you wrote (Wrightslaw: Letter to the Stranger). Would that reader see a thoughtful parent with clear concerns and a sense of what would help? Preference The method is a way of checking tone, not a rule; its point is that facts, dates and a calm register serve your child better than anger, even when anger is earned. Write the angry draft if you need to, set it aside for a day, and send the calm one.

What to leave out

• Diagnoses you are guessing at. Say what you see; let the evaluation name it.
• Blame. "The teacher has done nothing" invites defense. "I have not seen a change since September" invites a conversation.
• Demands for a specific service. Ask the team to consider your concern; offer what helps as information.
• Everything. Three to five sentences. The log holds the rest, and you can attach selected entries if you choose.

Save the statement on the concerns sheet with the date you wrote it. When you send it (Before the meeting), add whom you sent it to and the date.

6. Structured observations, a vision statement and other voices Go deeper

7. See it See it

• Contents of the IEP (CPIR): how the present levels section describes a child, which is where your observations often end up.
• Letter to the Stranger (Wrightslaw): the original letter-writing method, with an angry draft and a calm one side by side.
• Behavior at School (CPIR): for a family whose main concern is behavior.

8. Practice Practice

Minimum: three dated observations, two lines of strengths, three priorities and a three-sentence concerns statement. Time: about 15 minutes on each of three evenings, then 30 minutes for priorities and the statement. Materials: the observations page (or a notebook to copy in later), and any homework or work samples from the week.

1. Observe on three days. Pick the settings where things happen: homework, the morning, pickup. Write each entry the same day, with the date, the setting, what happened, before and after, and what helped.
2. Reread each entry as a stranger. Replace any label ("lazy," "anxious," "can't") with what you actually saw and heard.
3. Write strengths. Two lines, each with a dated example.
4. Sort and choose. List every concern, sort by effect on learning and daily life, fold symptoms into roots, and choose three. Enter them on the priorities sheet, then go back and fill "linked priority" in the log.
5. Write the statement. Three to five sentences, following the table in section 5. Read it aloud once. Save it with the date.
6. Keep the log for two weeks. (Go deeper; optional.) Add an entry every day or two; look for patterns at the end.
7. Ask your child. (Go deeper; optional.) When it is appropriate, ask what is hard, what helps and what they want the teachers to know, and write it on the child's view sheet in their words.

9. Your situation Your situation

10. Check your work Check your work

Criteria

• Does each observation have a date, a setting, and something a stranger could picture?
• Have you replaced every label or guessed cause with what you saw?
• Are strengths on the record, with examples?
• Do your three priorities name what matters, rather than a specific service?
• Is your concerns statement three to five sentences, specific, dated and calm?

Worked example

Ada's log passes: each entry is dated and specific, and "I'm dumb at reading" is written as Tomi's words, not her conclusion. Her priorities are three roots, not five symptoms. Her concerns statement opens with a specific observation, includes a strength, says what she hopes for, and asks the team to consider rather than telling it what to do. One thing to watch: her log covers one week, so she keeps it going, and before the meeting she checks whether the pattern held.

Common mistakes

• Writing conclusions. "He can't read" invites disagreement; "read 10 lines in 22 minutes, skipping two words a line" does not.
• Writing everything as a priority. Ten priorities get less attention than three. Keep the rest in the log.
• Naming the fix instead of the need. The team decides services; your priority says what they should aim at.
• Leaving out strengths. The team must consider them, and a plan that uses them is easier to build.
• Writing in anger and sending it. Draft, wait a day, then send the calm version.

What is still unresolved

Your log and priorities say what you see and what matters to you. They do not say why it happens or what the right services are; the evaluation (Referral and evaluation) and the IEP team (Reading the IEP, Goals, services and placement, Before the meeting and In the meeting) take that up, with your statement as part of what they consider. Whether and when to send the statement is Before the meeting.

11. Knowledge check and scenario

Checklist

• My observation log has three dated entries.
• I wrote two lines of strengths with examples.
• My priorities sheet has three rows.
• My concerns statement is saved with its date.
• I kept the log for two weeks and looked for patterns. (Go deeper; optional)
• I wrote down what my child says about school. (Go deeper; optional)